


Pain

by KarmelZilla



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Character Death, Death, F/F, Love, Plans For The Future, Sad, Slow Burn Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Sobbing, What Have I Done, im so sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-22
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2019-10-14 06:12:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17503154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KarmelZilla/pseuds/KarmelZilla
Summary: Alex has passed away and Kara isn't dealing with it. Lena comes along to help breath a little.





	1. Pain

Pain.  
The white hot heat coursed through her veins as she sat curled on her couch. Her muscles were sore, her body exhausted. Every breath hurt. She felt human. Like a very small broken human. Everything was gone now, she had nothing left. Nothing to work for, no one to make proud of. She… her…  
This couldn’t be true.  
Her home was gone. The one person on this planet, in this universe, was gone. A sob broke through her seemingly raw throat. She suspected blood was coating her throat, coughing, not being able to breath, constantly sobbing. She couldn’t stop. She couldn’t stop the pain continuously running through her body like kryptonite in it’s purest form. No, in fact, she thinks she would prefer the green poison coursing through her. She wanted to throw up again, she wanted it to stop, wanted the world to stop and just let her sleep.  
Sleep.  
That was something she didn’t do anymore. She couldn’t close her eyes, couldn’t relax, couldn’t rest anymore. If she did, she would wake in an all consuming panic. An attack that would take her hours to get out of. One that hindered her job. She scoffered, or did something similar to that. A job that she didn’t have any more. Well… 

“Kara, it’s not a big deal. Everyone needs time to grieve.” James said softly, taking a step toward her.  
She got called in his office because she THOUGHT she hadn’t turned in her assigned piece; again. Honestly, she hadn’t been doing anything lately. No work, no friends, no game nights, she didn’t even answer her phone anymore. Really, she didn’t know where her cellphone was. She was planning on giving him an excuse about her work, she was NOT prepared for this. She couldn’t handle this.  
Flinching at his words, she took a step back and shook her head. “Stop. Don’t. I am fine. I can work.”  
James sighed, taking another step towards her, making her start to panic. “Kara, you are not well. You need to take care of yourself. A-“  
“Don’t say her name! James, you have no right. I am fine. I will get the assignments to you today.” She growled, her eyes hard and guarded.  
This time he stood his ground, shaking his head. “Okay, you leave me no choice.” He looked like he regretted what he was about to say. Kara panicked more. “You are being put on temporary leave. Until further notice.”  
She shook her head, tears coming to her eyes and pooling on her lashes. “James, no. I need this Job.”  
“You’re not being fired. It’s just a break, until you’re better.”  
“You don’t understand. Please.” Her voice cracked on the last word. She couldn’t be left at home. Alone. If she was at work, she could stay busy. She could be distracted. “I need to be here. I can’t- I can’t be alone, James.” She whispered, salty tracks moving down her cheeks.  
James wanted to take it back, wanted to hug his friend. But this would help her. He knew. “Kara, you don’t have to be alone. But… “He took a deep breath, wishing she would take comfort. “I’m not changing my mind. Go home.”

So her she was, three days later, broken and trapped. She felt like her walls were closing her. Like her choices were taking away. She was a slave to her pain.  
She jumped when a knock sounded at her door. She didn’t bother looking to see who it was, didn’t care. They would just hurt her more. She even refused to see Eliza… she…  
The knock sounded again, harder and more persistent.  
If she staid silent, they would eventually give up and go away. They always did. Pulling the blanket tighter around her, she took a deep breath of its lingering scent. Just like her. A whimper echoed through her apartment.  
A key was slid into her lock and the door open. She didn’t bother to see who it was, she didn’t care. The pain was too much. “Kara, baby.” A sweet, soft voice sounded, making her look up and blink.  
Lena.  
The dark haired beauty sat next to her, just an inch away, not touching. “You wouldn’t answer your phone or the door. I needed to know if you were okay.” She said, her hand lifting, hovering over her face, waiting for permission to touch. Her eyes were puffy and red rimmed, she had been crying.  
For that reason, Kara gave a small nod of approval. A small shiver of wonder passed through her, something other than pain. Lena came here for her? She missed her best friend. Her crush, Alex would tease. Kara thought her name for the first time in what felt like forever at the same time Lena touched her.  
Then she broke again.  
Lena pulled her into her lap, hugging her tight against her body. Kara clung to her like she was hanging by a thread and could no longer fly. Which she was.  
“Let it out, baby. It’s okay. I’ve got you. I’m not letting you go.” She whispered in her ear, running her fingers through the dulled blonde tresses. “I’m here. I’m here. I’m right here.”  
Kara's body shook, her body vibrated from her cries of pain. She let Lena comfort her, let her love her. She was the first one to break through her walls of torment since the incident, simply by being here. She cried and soaked Lena's shirt.  
“I miss her, too.” Lena whispered softly, kissing the top of her head.  
“She…Alex was my world. She was the first person who loved me. Who took care of me. What…what am I going to do without her?!” She nearly screamed, and Lena let her. “How can I survive being her after losing my world twice? How? How Lena?”  
Her voice was raw and broken, words barely understandable through her hiccups and sobs. Lena's broken heart crumble. “You just have to baby. You have to move on for yourself. This pain won’t go away, but it will fade. I know it hurts like hell, I know you wish it was you instead of her. But, Kara?” Lena took her cheeks in her palms and made the blonde look at her. “You are the STRONGEST person that I have ever met.” She paused, looking into the shimmering pools of the ocean. “And not just because you are Supergirl.”  
Kara tilted her head slightly, when did she tell Lena…? She didn’t even have the strength to deny her words, not to mention the want. “Before you say anything, I’ve suspected for a while, I was waiting for you to tell me. It’s okay. I know why you kept it from me.” She said softly, lying only a tiny bit.  
“Alex made me strong. She was my strength.” She whimpered.  
The brunette shook her head. “Kara, she may have held you up, but the strength was in you all along. YOU are strong. Alex would want you to get through this.”  
She didn’t flinch at her name this time, she just started to sob again. How many tears can one kryptonian hold? Alex would want her to.  
In fact, it was some of her dying words. She laid her head back down on Lena’s shoulder, letting her soft human comfort her.  
She fell asleep, finally, Lena breathed, knowing the girl hadn’t slept, clutching Lena. Making herself comfortable on the couch, the CEO moved the blanket over them and just held her best friend. Alex’s death was hard on everyone, she meant so much to so many, but Kara. Lena felt as if a piece of Kara died with the agent. It had been two months of Kara breaking since Alex passed away. Two months since her sister died in her arms, her blood covering the hero, Kara screaming for her to not leave her alone. Lena lost a piece of her heart watching Kara fall apart and her friend die.  
Now, she wouldn’t leave her alone again. She thought she needed space. Thought time would help her, but the girl closed herself off, pushing everyone away. Now, Lena wouldn’t give her a choice, super strength or no. She would be here and would never let go. She would help her heal, help ease the pain. It was the least she could do for the women she loved.


	2. Progress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Progress is being made for Kara. Lena is just a hopeless baby gay who wants her friend to be better.

It was the one spike to her heart and the small intake of pain that made her turn, racing to her side. She caught her as she fell, her eyes going wide at the amount of blood already pooling down skin. The fighting, already dying down, faded away. All her senses zeroed in on her sister, on her kind of pulsing heart, on the already pallor of her skin, the struggle for breath, the tears in her eyes.   
“Alex?” She asked, dropping to her knees and laying her on ground, gently.   
She had four poisonous spikes from the now contained alien, sticking from her body. Just above her belly button, her left side, under her collarbone, and her chest. Alex grabbed her hands, their fingers lacing together, squeezing as strong as she could. The older Danvers looked down at her body, weezing, and joked. “Well, this is bad.”  
Tears rapidly flew down Supergirls cheeks, using her x-ray vision to see if she could help somehow. Alex shook her head, coughed and gagged on the blood pouring from her mouth. “It’s okay, Kara. I love you so much.”  
“No, no, no, NO.” She whipped a tear from her cheek, cupping her sisters jaw. “I’ll fix you. I’ll take you somewhere.”  
“There’s no… time.” She gave a soft smile. “You need-to… to listen to…me.” Her breaths were getting harder, the pain slowly fading.   
“Stop. You are not dying.” Supergirl cried, looking around frantically. “HELP. AGENT DOWN. HELP!”   
“Baby no. This is it. You are so strong.” Cough, more blood, a cringe of pain. “I know you can be strong for… “Her eyes started fluttering, her breaths getting farther in between. An agent stopped by her, looking over the damage.   
“Don’t just stare, help!” Kara demanded the agent and looked back at her sister. “I’ll help you Alex. I can’t… I need you.”   
Alex shook her head. “You don’t need… me. Strong.” Her head rolled slightly to the side, pressing her cheek lightly to Kara’s Hand. “I- I lo-“ That’s when her heart stopped beating and her breaths stopped coming.   
Kara shook her gently, “Alex..? No please.” Her voice cracked, her tears now rivers streaming down her face. When she got no response and her hearing picked up nothing. Not even a breath. “Alex, Please. I need you. Don’t leave me! Alex!” She was screaming and sobbing now.   
She took her sister in her arms, pulling her in her lap, spikes and all. “Alex! Come back. Alex! Don’t leave me alone. No. Alex.” She screamed, cradling her dead world in her arms. 

 

“Kara!” There was shaking.  
“Alex!”   
“Wake up, babe. Kara!”  
The blonde shot up in bed, tears streaming down her face, her throat raw from screaming. She couldn’t breath. Where was she? Alex? No…Alex was dead. She remembered now.   
“Hey, breath with me. In. Out.” Lena, she finally laid eyes on her friend. She could feel her palm over her chest and locked her eyes with those emerald greens. She took a deep breath, took another, letting it out. “That’s it. Good.”  
They were both silent as Kara calmed her breathing and her senses focused on Lena. “It’s been a while since you had a nightmare. Same thing?”   
Kara nodded, not sure if she could talk yet. It has been two months since the night Lena barged in her home and let her cry in her arms. It’s been four months since Alex passed away. Four months since her world faded away, again. But it had been a week since she had any nightmares.   
“Maybe going back to work was a bad idea.” Lena said softly, her thumbs brushing away tears.   
Kara shook her head, “No. I’m fine. If I can still be Supergirl, I can still be Kara Danvers, reporter.” She reasoned, AND she believed it.   
Lena smiled, her eyes scanning over her features. “I’m so proud of you.”  
Kara nodded, “Progress, right?”  
“Right.”  
Since that night, Lena had basically been living with Kara, devoting her time helping her friend. She worked from home, unless she had a meeting she needed to go into, but then she raced back to Kara. Really, Lena felt as she was being selfish sometimes. She adored her time with Kara, although it broke her heart when she was sad. She loved and relished in their little domestic bubble they had made, making the CEO fall deeper in love with the blonde women. Of course, she never has mentioned her emotions. She wasn’t an ass that took advantage of her best friend, even though she felt like she was doing that now, but she was helping her! Right? She wanted her friend to heal, wanted her to be the ball of sunshine she once was, but she would take her anyway Kara gave herself. She had come so far in so little time though.   
The first few days she was catatonic, barely moving, not eating, she maybe gave an answer in the way of a head movement, but it was like she was gone. There was this dark shell in place of the once ball of sunshine. It took a lot of love and patience and time to help her rise from the dark place. She did, though! She woke one morning, knocking on Lena’s door (Kara's spare bedroom) and asked if she wanted to help make pancakes. At first she was shocked the girl was talking, her body excited from hearing the familiar voice, rough from rare use.   
The rest came gradually, like snowfall. She ate more, she talked more. She got dressed in actual clothes, that wasn’t her supergirl suit. Of course she was still grieving, her world was gone, but she was BETTER. She still had nightmares, still avoided the DEO like the plague. But, she had light seeping through the cracks in her shell, fighting so hard to get over the pain that had once consumed her. It felt to Lena she had finally reached the shoreline of very dark waters, the waves still lapping at her ankles.   
“I’m going to go get dressed. Shall we go to work together?” Kara asked, moving away from the brunette and standing, stretching.  
Lena swallowed, her gaze locked on the couple inches of skin Kara showed off from stretching. “Of course!” she said, shaking her head to make herself look at Kara's EYES. “If we leave in the next couple minutes, we can walk together and make it in time to order breakfast from Neman's.” Lena suggested, knowing the blonde couldn’t resist at the mention of food.  
She smiled and raced to the bathroom, coming out two seconds later in tight jeans, a blue blouse, and a white cardigan. It made Lena drool. “No far, using super speed. I’ll go finish getting dressed.”  
Kara smiled and grabbed a couple bobby pins to twist her hair out of her face and throw on some lip gloss. She felt like trash, like she stood there and let rock demons punch her over and over, but she could do this. She liked work, and Alex would want her to keep going. Honestly, she had no idea to thank Lena. If it wasn’t for the CEO, Kara wasn’t sure where she would be. She had been thinking of using some kryptonite, but then Lena, the angel she is, came to save her. Each day was a chore, breathing was something she had to tell herself to do, but with Lena by her side, it was bearable and getting better.   
“Ready!” Lena called from the door, Kara could hear her zipping up her boots. She walked out there, slipping on her shoes and held the door open for her friend.   
They walked most of the way in silence and now Kara was waiting while Lena ordered them their coffees and food to go. She saw her out of the corner of her eye, that flash of red brown hair. She jerked her head over to the corner and her heart stopped. A-alex? Alex was over in the corner talking to a women, flirting with a women. She was smiling and laughing. Roa, she missed that sound. How did Alex come back to live? She died in her arms, how..? She felt like she was going to faint.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's short and it's been a bit. I'm super stressed with school and work. But I love my Supercorp.


	3. A Small Breakdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara has a relapse in her progress.

Her heart filled with something other than pain and darkness and numbness for the firs time in what felt like forever. Alex! She was back! Why didn’t she come to see Kara first? She took a few steps toward the redhead, a grin plastered on her face. She could have her sister back. Kara and her were going to have the longest sisters night ever. A sister’s month! Alex was never leaving her sight again! She got to her and paused just a moment. What if there was a reason she didn’t come to see Kara? Did she blame Kara for her death? What if she was mad that she was here? What if she never wanted to see her again?  
Shaking her head, she marched the last couple of steps to the tall women. There was no way, Alex loved her. Placing her hand on the women’s shoulder, Kara gently turned her around. “Alex!” And then her heart sunk into her stomach, her light fading.  
“I’m sorry. My name is Jade.”   
It wasn’t Alex. She wasn’t back from the dead. Up close and actually seeing the girls face, Kara could see the major differences now. Her eyes were blue, not the soft earth, with green flecks. Her nose was larger, and face was longer, brows thicker. Kara could go on and on. She was not Alex.   
Sniffling against the oncoming tears, Kara turned and tried to run away, only to run into Lena. “Hey, Hey, I got you.” 

 

Lena had just finished getting their coffees and food, turning around to go back to Kara when She saw her marching toward a woman talking to others in the corner booth. Instantly, Lena could guess why Kara was going to the women. She had a striking resemblance to Alex from behind. It happened in a matter of seconds. Lena moving to get Kara, Kara turning around the women to speak to her and then freezing. Lena could feel the sudden cold and soul crushing sadness in the air around them. Kara turned and ran into Lena, It hurt, knocked the breath out of her, but she managed to wrap her arms tight around her and offer some form of comfort.   
Lena managed to pull the girl to the bathrooms, knowing they would need some privacy, feeling Kara break down. They were making such good progress. “Kara-“  
“I thought…Alex…I’m so dumb!” She cut Lena off, sobbing, and hiccupping.   
Lena rubbed her back, kissing at her temple. “I know. I saw her, Just after you. It will be okay.”  
Kara roughly pulled back from Lena, stumbling only slightly. “How can you say that? It’s not getting better. I hurt, all the time. Nothing is making it better Lena.” Kara yelled, her cheeks flushed and eyes puffy. “I lost her. It’s my fault. If it wasn’t for me, then she would still be alive.”  
Lena shook her head, knowing she was striking out in pain, like a wounded puppy. “Kara, don’t say that. It’s not your fault. There was nothing you could have done.”  
“There was! I could have been faster. I could have been smarter, study those classes like she wanted me to. I could have saved her life.” She took a deep stuttering breath. “I can’t do this without her, Lena. I-I can’t live with out her. It.hurts. so. Much.” She took a couple second to sob, holding her chest and stepping back from Lena.   
Lena was hurt she wasn’t letting her comfort her, but right now, she didn’t know what to do. She was the one that was usually being comforted by Kara. “Kara…”  
“No… I can’t be here.” She said, waving her hand in dismissal. Then she was gone.   
Lena blinked and she was standing alone in the public bathroom, with a strong urge to cry. Maybe she just needed some space, she knew that it was too soon for her to come back to work. She experienced a traumatic event, again. It took time to heal.   
She went to work, leaving the coffee and food behind, not having the stomach for it now. She just wanted her friend to be okay. When she got to her office, deciding to go to Lcorp instead of Catco, she sat at her desk and got out her phone. She had Alex’s contact open, ready to text her before she realized that, well, she couldn’t. Alex wouldn’t reply.   
It was her first instinct to contact Alex whenever she was worried about Kara. Now, she couldn’t do that anymore. Who else? J’onn? With caution, she pulled up the contact, sending off a text. Did he even text? Shrugging, she figured she would find out soon enough.   
*Kara had a breakdown at Noonan’s. She ran off. She’s scaring me. I’m worried about her.*  
She sent and then after a thought, sent another text saying that it was Lena, just in case he didn’t have her number saved. Then she dropped her head in her hands for being so dumb. If it was a text about Kara, he would know it was from her. Right?  
Sighing, she looked toward her window, looking for any streaks of blue and red. Finding none, she decided that getting to work was her best option.

 

Having nowhere to go that she felt safe, Kara took off to the sky. She went higher and higher, and then, still, higher. She kept going until the air was thin and it was making her light headed. She was struggling to take a single breath, but it was okay. She welcomed the pain. She imagined it was how Alex maybe felt, at least a fraction. Not bothering to whip her tears away, Kara let her arms fall to her side, her head relax back as she shut her eyes and let her other senses take over. It was peaceful up here. She couldn’t hear anything from down below, unless she really tried, not the people, the cars, the animals. It was…nice.  
She took in a slow breath, thinking how Alex would be kicking her butt right now for running away from her feelings. She felt bad for yelling at Lena and throwing her help away. All that angelic woman had been trying to do was care for Kara and she threw it back in her face like it was nothing. Like every other person in her life did to her. Like she promised to never do to her. Rao, she was a horrible friend. It just made her so much more of a shittier person.   
She would float here for a few more moments and then go see Lena and apologize. She just needed to compose herself. She needed to just feel like she wasn’t crumbling apart. She suddenly had a warm feeling in her stomach, and she gave herself a small smile. Lena made her feel like she wasn’t falling apart. Lena made her feel warm and special, like she belonged. She knew her feelings for Lena, but they were crowded now by her grief. She would work through this. Not just for Lena, but for herself.

Lena perked up when she heard the soft click of the red boots on the balcony. She had sadly been moping her way through her work all morning. She had been thinking maybe she had pushed Kara too hard. Maybe she had broken the sunshine girl. She was miserable. That is, until she heard the boots on her balcony. Turning around in her chair she gave a soft smile, staying where she was. She didn’t want to push.  
Kara didn’t look at her, her eyes remained in the ground, her toes scuffing the ground. “Hi.”   
She said softly. Her fingers playing with the ends of her cape. “Are you busy?”  
Lena smiled, her head tilting slightly, “Kara, I am never too busy for you.” She remained sitting, still not sure if she should stand and move forward.  
Kara took a deep breath, wincing slightly, Lena wanted to ask if she was hurt, but refrained. She didn’t want to scare her away. “I wanted to say sorry. For earlier.” She finally looked up at Lena, her bottom lip between her teeth. I shouldn’t of have snapped at you like that. I was hurting, but that is no excuse to take it out on you.” She took a couple steps closer to the CEO, stopping a foot in front of her, scuffing her feet on the carpet this time.   
She smiled gently, “I understand your pain, Kara. I’m sorry If I pushed you in any way.”   
The blonde shook her head, “You didn’t. I think… I was just overwhelmed. I felt that everything was good again, and then, it wasn’t.” She shrugged.  
“It’s going to take time. I’m here for every step of the way. If you want me to be.” She said, her eyes wide and hopeful, not going to be able to bare it if Kara said no.   
She held her arms open for her hug, which made Lena promptly stand and wrap her arms around the hero’s waist. “I need you, Lena.”  
Lena’s heart skipped a beat and her cheeks flushed a deep red. “I need you too, Kara.” She was so happy she said those words, it felt so good to be needed by her best friend. She made a vow to always be there for her, no matter what. She would die for Kara.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My sisters tell me that I am a horrible person for writing these. I am so sorry. I know that the chapters are short and Updates are few and far between. I'm trying with work and school and now I have to have surgery number three, because I have lots of kidney stones on both my kidneys. I just want new kidneys. Anyway, I hope you like it.


	4. Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara is on the road to being better, although everyone has minor set backs sometimes.

It definitely wasn’t a nightmare, that was for sure. And it wasn’t something new, it was just a dream she hadn’t had in a very long time. She was in bed, the sun shining through the crack in the curtains. She stretched her body, her very naked body. Abruptly sitting up in bed, she looked around her room to find it empty. Where was…   
“God, you are gorgeous.”  
Her eyes shot to the door way, locking on emerald greens that were dilated with… lust? She felt the blood rush to her cheeks as she looked down, covering her body with the blanket. The next thing she new was the bed dipping and her senses were surrounded with Lena. Cool fingers touched her chin, making her look up.   
“I had a good time last night.”  
Her mind suddenly flushed with the events of last night, the heat, the passion, the caring that Lena took to make sure that Kara felt unimaginable pleasure. She bit her lip and shook her head, her fingers playing with the hem of the blanket as heat filled her core. “Me…I did too.” She stubbled, not really used to this situation. The morning after. It had only happened a couple times with Mon-el, but this time. It was different this time. More… It was just more. She wanted to do it again.   
Looking up through her lashes, she swallowed, her hands coming up to gently cup Lena’s cheeks. “Can I kiss you?” She asked in the smallest voice.   
With a blistering smile, Lena nodded, leaning forward slightly, until Kara finished the stretch of distance and their lips touched. It was like the sun gracing your face after a long, harsh, dark winter. The warmth blossoming from her lips throughout her whole body. Her fingers moved from Lena’s cheeks to thread into her hair, it felt like silk falling over her digits. Tentatively, she opened her mouth and moved her tongue over Lena’s bottom lip. Mmm, she had been drinking coffee this morning, with her Reese’s creamer, she could taste the bitter sweetness on her lips, in her breath. Lena gave a soft moan, opened her lips and gave Kara all access to her, to what ever she wanted.   
Kara’s body felt like electricity was running through it, the heat, the spark, everywhere Lena touched made her heart beat faster. Actually, Kara decided, this was better than electricity. She would know, she had been struck by it before. Gently, she felt Lena’s hand on her shoulder, pushing her back. She landed on the pillows, looking up at Lena, licking her lips.   
“I’m going to repeat what we did last night, if that’s okay?” Lena said, a confidant smirk placed on her full lips.  
Swallowing thickly, that heat hit her again, harder this time, making her press her thighs together for relief, of any kind. “Yes, Please.”   
Lena leaned down to attach her mouth to Kara’s and just before she felt those soft lips against her again, lips that she so desperately wanted, she was shaking away.  
Her eyes popped open, to see Lena’s above hers, her heart racing and a heated, wet mess between her thighs, she blinked. “Morning sunshine, you were having a dream. Another nightmare?”  
Kara slowly sat up, looking around her room, everything was the same, just not. She was having a dream. Damn it. Heat shot up her neck and filled her cheeks and she looked back at Lena, who cocked her head the side in question. She wanted to kiss those lips, she was so close. Maybe if she just went back to sleep, Kara thought, desperation spreading through her brain.   
“Kara, sweetie, are you okay?” Lena asked, stepping forward, her hand hovering over Kara, asking permission to touch.  
Kara nodded, relaxing instantly when her cool fingers wrapped around her warm hands. “I’m fine. No nightmare, just… a …” She cleared her throat and bit her lip, “A different dream?”  
“O-Okay,” Lena said, scanning her face and nodding. “Breakfast is ready.” She said before, slowly dropping her hand and walking back to the kitchen.   
Kara smiled after her and shook her head, she remembered before Alex died that she had started to have dreams about Lena, quite similar to what she had just now. Now that she was having them again, did that mean she was getting better? She liked to think so, she was working hard he it, never one to do anything half way. Plus, she had Lena by her side every step of the way. Smiling, she lifted her arms above her head, stretching and yawning.   
It had been a year now, a long, back and forth, up and down, roller coaster of a ride year since Alex died. It still hurt like hell, Still slapped her in the face every time she thought of something they used to do or ate pot stickers by herself or thought of anything sciency. Alex loved science. But she was getting better, she had come a very long way from lying in a pained ball on the couch and shoot laser at everyone. Smirking, she used super speed to get ready and slowly walked to the kitchen. The smell of maple syrup and pancakes finally hit her, and she skipped the rest of the way to her stool at the island.   
“Pancakes! Yes.” She shouted in excitement, making grabby hands at one of the plates in front of Lena.   
Lena smiled and pushed the plate to her, handing her napkins next. “So today is going to be big. The pipe line that Supergirl saved this morning. The fire she put out late last night… in Paris.” Lena stated and Kara nodded, shrugging with a mouthful of food.   
” I couldn’t sleep after work and then heard people in distress. I did my job.” She said simply, dropping her fork to her plate and putting her chin in her hands. “I wasn’t the only one who was working late.” She had noticed Lena wasn’t even in bed when she got home at four in the morning. It wasn’t unusual, Lena started her long nights again a while ago, but she didn’t take them as often as she used to.   
Lena narrowed her eyes and sipped her coffee and took a bit of her single pancake before answering. “True. I’m working on a new tech for the hospital. Helping them upgrade their machines basically.”   
Kara nodded and checked the time, her eyes widening. “We have to get to work!” She said, scarfing down the remainder of her food. She put her plate in the sink and rushed to the bathroom, speeding through hair and make up. When she came out, Lena had her coat on and was holding out Kara’s. They walked to work in mindless chatter until her phone went off and she looked at her calendar reminder.   
September 22, Earth Birthday. Dancing and Ice cream sundays w/ Alex. (:  
She stopped walking, her heart beating slower and slower, Earth birthday? That was today? Her breath came in short pants, her skin losing all of its color. Why did this have to come up? Why did this have to ruin everything? Why did this have to ruin her progress? Alex, come back to me. I miss you. She ranted, catching herself on the wall of the Catco building, her heart feeling like it was going to drop into her stomach.   
Lena turned around and let her shoulders sag in defeat. Oh, Kara. She walked over to her and placed her arms around her shoulders. “Kara, lets get inside. Breathe with me honey.” She managed to get the girl inside the building and into an empty room on the first floor, locking it and setting Kara into a chair.  
“Kara, sweetheart, look at me, breathe with me.” She said softly, barely speaking above a whisper, trying not to hurt her ears. She placed her hand over her chest, ignoring the tingles she got from Kara’s touch. “In, out, in, out. That’s it, Kara. Breathe.” It took her a little bit, but she eventually started to calm down, her eyes focusing on Lena’s and her breathes coming more easy.   
Her chest became more light, and the tears, stopped. “I’m s-sorry.” She stuttered, feeling like she ruined their day, it had started out so good.   
“Kara Danvers, you have nothing to be sorry about. This happens, it is okay. You didn’t ruin anything, what so ever. Just a minor bump in the road.” She said, reaching up to whip a tear from her cheek. She smiled gently at her and sat back on her knees in front of her best friend. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”  
Kara sniffled, her eyes locked on the most beautiful greens, and nodded, this is the person she most trusted in the whole universe. “Sure. She said and took a breath, this time without it shaking, her chest felt better too, less weight.   
“It’s my earth birthday and Alex and I usually celebrate it together. This is the first one without her. A reminder popped up on my phone.” She explained, biting her lip, her thumb moving in circles over Lena’s hand on her leg.   
“Earth birthday?” Was what she asked first, her eyes light with some possible new information.  
Kara gave a small chuckle, “They day I crash landed on earth.”  
“Oooh,” She said, nodding and then looking at her with soft eyes. “If you want, I can be you fill in so you don’t have to be alone.” She said, hating to know that there was more pain coursing through Kara.  
“Always Lena, I’m just… I was getting better. Now all my progress is gone, I have to start over.” She said, feeling frustrated and hating her breakdowns, hated feeling weak.   
“Kara, you are better. So much better. I am so proud of you. You lost your sister. It’s going to take time, who know really, there is no designated time on when it will be better and stay better. “She said, rubbing her hands over her legs. “But Kara, you are making so much progress, you are so much better. A small panic attack, it happened, and they might still happen, but babe, you are not alone. Ever.” She said, having the strong urge to get up and kiss her, damn, she wanted to do it so bad.   
Another tear rolled down Kara’s cheek and she nodded, leaning forward and wrapping her arms around her in a tight hug. “I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, busy and all that junk. excuses, excuses, right? Anyway, I hope you like this. Comments and kudos are always appreciated.


	5. A New Always

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara had revealed a little something involving three words and now Lena is super happy and panicked; but is Kara ready?

Lena stiffened and pulled back from the hug to look at Kara. Did she just say that? The L word? Kara was a very touchy, happy, friendly person with her friends, often others thought they Kara was having a relationship with all of them, but that was just the way Kara acted with them. She was a very tactile person, especially with her friends. But, she had never said that to her! Ever! She had yearned for the day for her best friend to say those words to her. Sometimes, she had thought she heard her say it, but it was just her wishful thinking, but this time, Kara had definitely said I love you.  
Lena wanted to jumped with joy at hearing the words whispered from her lips. She wanted to order a plane to spell them out in the sky, she wanted then on the front page of every magazine; “Kara Danvers said she loved me!” After a moment she realized she was being a love sick fool and that she was a Luthor. She was LENA, she didn’t act this way. At least not to the public. Her vision focused and Kara's confused look came into view, her small crinkle that formed between her brows made her smile.   
“Did you just say you loved me? Do you mean it?” She whispered, her voice barely above a whisper, a vibration only Kara could hear.   
Kara leaned back more, her head cocking to the side, in that adorable golden retriever way. “Is that a problem? I’m sorry. I would never say it if I didn’t mean it, and I do. I know I’m a mess right now and that, that can be intimidating and tiresome, so I totally understand if you don’t feel the same way. We can pretend I meant it in a best friend sort of way, I wont ever mention it again.”   
Lena cut her rambling short by throwing her head back and laughing. A good, heart filled, from the belly laugh. Sometimes, Kara really was an idiot.   
“Why are you laughing at me?” The blonde asked with a pout, pulling her arms away from Lena's sides.   
Quickly pulling her hands back, Lena shook her head. “Kara, I have been in love with you since the second time you walked into my office. You… you are the sunshine that keeps me going. I absolutely do not want you to take it back! I can’t tell you how long I’ve been waiting to hear you say those words to me. Honestly, I didn’t think it would ever happen, but-“ She suddenly stopped and took a breath, reaching up to caress her cheek. “Now I’m the one rambling. “  
Kara smiled softly, her cheeks turning a light pink. Lena loved her?   
“I know that you are going through a great loss and I will never replace Alex. But I do love you, more than anything. I didn’t want to say anything because it was such horrid timing.” She admitted, biting her bottom lip and looking away from Kara's bright, shining eyes. She found the blonde's shirt hem fascinating as she waited for her to say something, anything.   
When a couple minutes passed, her hopes dimmed and she dreaded that Kara realized that she was right. This was horrendous timing and she was going to take back her words. She didn’t love Lena, she wanted to be friends, just friends. And then it was just be awkward between them two, Lena would have to go home and she would never hear from Kara again. Wait to go, Luthor. You ruined the best thing you have ever had. She scoffed to her self, tears brimming at the corners of her eyes. She would not cry. She wouldn’t let Kara know that she had single-handedly crushed her without lifting a finger. God, she was pathetic. How could she ever think that she could ever have a happy ending. Or happiness at all. She didn’t deserve it.   
“I can feel you mentally destroying yourself, and you need to stop.” Kara spoke, interrupting her self destruction. Her words were strong, a bit of bite behind them. Her Supergirl voice, a voice to be obeyed. She blinked up at the woman and waited for her to say something, refusing to apologize even though it was at the tip of her tongue. Kara was the only one that ever knew when she went down a dark and twisty road. The only one that could bring her back and make her want to stay back.   
“It is a horrible time.” She agreed, and Lena fell again, her teeth biting harder into her bottom lip. She could taste the beginning of blood on her tongue. She knew it. She wasn’t worth it.   
Kara shook her head, her thumb coming up to pull her lip from her teeth. “Stop that.” She caressed her damaged skin so gently, she almost didn’t feel it. “You make me actually smile. After Alex… I couldn’t. And then I was just faking it. But, when I’m with you. My cheeks hurt at the end of the day, because just sitting on the couch watching rom-coms with you makes me smile like a fool.” Her fingers moved to start caressing her other features. Lena sighed contently, Kara smiled softly.   
“Lena, I don’t think it will even be the right time, but I do love you. I have for a long time. I want… “Kara took a breath, looking around the room before settling back on forest greens. “I want you. I need you.”  
Lena's brows furrowed, a question settling over the elation in her brain. “Do you actually want me? Or do you think you want me because of Alex being gone?”  
That crinkle appeared heavily between her brows, her eyes shining intently as the mulled that thought over. She loved Lena, always had. It took her a while to see it, well, took Alex pointing it out, but the intense feeling has always been there. She was at peace when Lena was near, or even on the phone with her. Texting her! Lena understood her on a level that no one else did, even more now, since she knew about her being Supergirl. There had been so many times Kara thought about her future and saw Lena in it, with her. Together. Even when she was with Mon-el, guilty. There was no one else she would rather be with. She wanted to be with Lena, but right now, she still wanted Alex more. She honestly didn’t think she could get through the day with out Lena being by her side, because she was substituting for Alex. Kara was broken and she was still looking for the pieces to put herself back together. It wouldn’t be far to Lena if she started something when she wasn’t ready.   
Lena knew before she even spoke. And her heart started to beat rapidly, painfully. Tears gathered in both of there eyes and Lena nodded.  
“Please don’t hate me. I need you. I love you, but I’m not ready for a relationship. I’m not ready to take that step forward…with out her.” A single tear rolled down her cheek and Lena leaned forward, catching it with her lips, kissing her cheek, longingly.   
When she pulled away, she nodded and cleared her throat. “I could never hate you. I love you so much Kara Danvers Zorel. I understand. I will be here. I will be ready for when you are ready. I’m not leaving you.”   
Kara choked on a sob, her arms wrapping around her in an iron hug. “I don’t deserve you.” She whispered, pushing herself off the chair and kneeling on the floor with Lena, bring her closer for a more intimate hug.   
They stayed like that for too many minutes to count before Lena finally pulled back, breaking thwir embrace. “Are you okay?” She asked, wiping under her eyes, making sure her make up didn’t smear. Kara nodded, taking a deep breath.  
“Right. The real world. With work and yucky stuff.” She said, standing and holding out her hand to help Lena up.   
Once they were both standing, Lena smirked, “And you are an astounding reporter, using the words “yucky” and “stuff”?” She teased, both finally leaving the room thwy were holed up in, ignored the stares and whispers they received.   
Kara smirked, “It works,” She said pressing the button for the elevator. “Thank you, Lena.” She said, once they were inside.  
She softened and bumped her shoulder against Kara's. “Always.”   
Kara smiled softly at the word. Alex and her used to say that to each other. They always had each others back. They were always there for each other. They always would bring food in time of need. It was there thing. For once, something that reminded Kara of Alex didn’t make her sad, her made her warm inside. A pit in her stomach setting on fire. She could have a new always, right? Lena could be her new always. She thought Alex would like that. They left the elevator to their respective offices with smiles on their faces.   
Always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a little difficulty writing this chapter. I can relate to Kara 100%. So it reminded me of passed things, but like my fav characters, everything gets better with time. I really hope you liked this chapter. Comments always appreciable.


	6. Earth Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara has an Earth birthday and does some much needed apologizing.

Lena sat in her office, not working at all. She starred at her laptop, without seeing the actual screen. She was dazing, her mind wandering into her far off dream world. For once, it wasn’t filled with science and projects and late nice whiskey and wine. Her mind was occupied with the one and only Kara Danvers. She really couldn’t believe that earlier this morning Kara had told her that she loved her. Her, a Luthor. A super and a Luthor. Lena smirked, her finger moving in circles around the rim of her glass. It was what she had fantasized about, for the last two years. The blonde reporter loving her.   
God, if only it wasn’t such horrible timing, she would be with Kara now. Taking her out to dinner, to shows, to museums and art galleries. Other countries, if the woman wished. She wanted to spoil her, to let her know she never had to worry, to let her know that Lena would always, always, be there for her. She bit her lip and thought of the blonde in a dress, her hair up, eyes sparking like the ocean when the sun strikes it. She would give anything to wake up to those eyes every single morning, they did things to Lena, both physically and chemically.   
She leaned up slightly, remembering what set Kara off in the first place this morning. Her earth birthday. She chuckled softly at the silliness of the Danvers girls, of course Kara would get two birthdays. But, if she did this right, she would get those eyes, paired with that out of the world smile. Pulling out her phone, she leaned back in her chair, crossing her legs, and texting some of the friends they usually had at their game nights, including J'onn. Kara deserved to have the best earth birthday ever.  
Kara’s earth birthday at my penthouse. Tonight 8pm?  
James: Earth Birthday?  
Winn: Yeah, what he said. Wha?  
J'onn: Why do you guys insist on putting me in these talk groups? Yes, I will be there, Lena. I’m sure she will love it.  
LLuthor: Thank you, J'onn. And sorry.  
Winn: Still waiting on explanation…  
Lena rolled her eyes and started to type out her explanation until she got a text from a person she didn’t realize she had texted.  
Sam Arias: Are you guys sure? Kara and I haven’t really…talked.   
Sam Arias: At all.  
Lena bit her bottom lip, struggling. Sam and Alex had been dating, it was getting really serious, moving in together, serious when she passed. Alex passing not only destroyed Kara, but really messed up Sam. It was the first time she had found love since she conceived Ruby. Kara had told her that she couldn’t bring herself to see Sam after her death. Sam reminded her too much of her sister’s happiness. Lena herself had seen Sam here and there, comforting her friend a lot. It was before Kara had finally let her in, or she forced her way in. After that, her visits became less often, but she texted and called often. She texted her separately.  
LLuthor: How are you? You don’t have to come if you don’t want to. I’ll talk to Kara though.  
Sam Arias: Better everyday. I still miss her, and will always love her, but I’m not suffering anymore. How is Kara? How are you?   
Sam Arias: Aren’t you basically living with the girl you are madly in love with?  
Lena snorted, Shaking her head at Sam. She switched over to explain earth birthday to the boys and then texted Sam back. This would be a good night. For everyone.   
Kara stopped trying to work at lunch time. She barely got work done and decided she wasn’t going to either. Sighing, she left early and made her way to the cemetery. She wanted to see Alex. When she got there, she noticed fresh flowers by her grave. Sitting on the ground, her head leaning on the tomb stone, resembling when she would lay her head on Alex's shoulder or chest. She pick up the flowers and smelled them, bringing the bouquet close to her chest. They smelled like Sam.   
Letting out a long sigh, she let a few tears drop. “Oh, Alex.” She let out, moving her fingers through the soft petals of the flowers. She hadn’t seen Sam since the funeral. Sam and Ruby tried to find comfort in her and she brushed them off, running away to soak in her own pain. To put her rage on criminals. She was horrible to them. She chuckled wetly, “You would be so upset with me. I didn’t mean to hurt them. I was just so focused on my own pain.” She spoke to the stone, letting the flowers fall back to the ground and her fingers trace Alex’s name. “Eliza texted me happy earth birthday today. I said thank you, but nothing else. I just kinda wanted to hear it from you. Oooh, you know what else I want to tell you?!” She said excitedly, wishing she could see her sisters face. She did this every now and then, “talked to Alex.” It…helped sometimes, when she was feeling overwhelmed. To just talk to her, tell her what was going on in her life, how she was feeling. “I told Lena I loved her today. I know! It took long enough.” She liked to imagine what Alex would say in response to her rambling. “And she loves me back. I want… I want to be with her, Lexie. I do. I just, I don’t know if I can do this without you there. What if I screw up? Who am I going to go to, to talk me down? Tell me what to do? I just need a bit of time.” She sighed, finishing her nervous ramble, her eyes falling back to the flowers. Guilt filled her and she finally decided it was time. “I’m going to apologize to them, Sam and Ruby. Love you, Alex. Always.” She was probably going to be back tonight, but she needed to make amends first. She kissed the headstone and stood, walking away from the grave.   
It didn’t take long for Kara to get to Sam’s. What took forever was for her to get up the guts and just knock on the door. What if they hated her and shut the door in her face? She wouldn’t blame them, after her shoving them away, but it would heartbreaking. Could she handle the rejection? Probably not and she wouldn’t be able to find comfort in Lena, the woman was Sam's best friend. Sighing, she took a breath, she needed to ovary up and apologize. Taking a supergirl stance, it brought her comfort, she knocked on the door.   
Only, her fist didn’t make contact with the wood before it suddenly opened, Sam standing there with a nervous look on her face. “Hey Kara.”  
Kara blinked, looking over the brunette. She was in sweats and had a piece of popcorn on her shoulder. Probably a movie night with Ruby. Something she missed with Alex. Her eyes filled with tears and she shuffled her feet. “I’m so sorry for pushing you away, Sam. So sorry. You were hurting and I shoved you away. I have no excuse, but I just wanted to say I’m sorry.” She paused to wipe a tear away. “I hope one day you can forgive me, and we can be friends again. If not, I understand. I’ll leave.” She said, pointing at the open space behind her, praying to Rao, but some miracle, Sam at least accepted her apology.   
Sam gave a small smile and pulled out her phone. Kara’s brow furrowed as she watched the other woman type away and then put her phone back in her pocket. She looked back up and held her arms open. “Kara, I forgive you. Come here.”   
Letting a sob escape, the blonde ran into her arms, hugging her tight. She was so happy, so relived, that she forgave her. Her arms were such a familiar place, Kara felt her body Relaxing. “I’m so sorry.”  
“It’s okay. It’s okay. Come inside, honey.” She invited and Kara nodded.   
They moved to the kitchen, Kara sitting at the island and freezing when Ruby came around the corner. “Mom, who..?” She began until she saw the blonde sitting in her kitchen. Kara waited with bated breath, wondering how she would react.   
“Hi, Rubes.” Kara whispered softly, her eyes not quite meeting the girls.  
“Kara.” She said curtly, nodding her head and looking so much like her mother. “I’ll be in my room, mom”  
“Okay, baby.”   
Kara let out a whimper watching the girl walking away. She expected such a cold greeting, but it hurt so much more to actually see it and feel it. She flinched when Sam reached out and touched her shoulder. She pulled away gently, a look of sadness in her eyes. “Don’t worry, Kara. She’ll come around.”  
Taking a deep breath, she shook her head. “No. I deserve it. I hurt you guys.”  
Sam didn’t deny it and turned to start making coffee. “It’ll take some time.”   
“Yeah, I guess.”   
“How are you?   
Redness filled Kara’s cheeks and she nodded slowly, “Better, A lot better, actually. It still hurts a lot. Like today, but, Lena helps a lot.” She admitted easily. Sam was always easy to talk to as well, something she easily adopted from her sister.   
Sam handed her a steaming cup of coffee and sat at the island, a wolf eating grin at her lips. “Speaking of Lena, how are you and my girl?”   
She blushed again, sipping at her scalding brew. It took her a little bit for her to answer, a few sips, and a look around the house before her crystal eyes landed back on Sam. She let out a soft sigh, but one filled with contentment and love. “I told her I loved her today.” And just like that conversation took off and for a moment Kara felt like nothing had never changed between them. They talked for hours before departing and Kara got a text form Lena.  
LLuthor: My place? Please?  
Kara got there in no time at all, knocking on the door and smiling softly. She was ready for snuggling and movies. Maybe they could order Chinese? When Lena opened the door, she immediately focused in and heard people inside, laughing and chatting. Kara cocked her head to the side, question in her eyes. “What?  
Lena smiled softly, leaning in to kiss her cheek gently. “Happy earth birthday, Kara!” She excitedly said, pulling her in and letting her see the pent house.   
Everyone was there; James, Winn, J’onn, Lucy, M’gann and Lena. There were balloons and a giant balloon shaped liked the earth, green and blue streamers, and cake! There were even some presents on the coffee table. Before Kara knew what was happening, she was crying and her friends were hugging her and telling her that they were there and they loved her.   
Once breaking free of their hugs, she turned to Lena who was leaning against the island with a small smile on her lips. “Lena, you didn’t have to do this.”   
“Of course I did.”   
Kara gave her that blinding smile and hugged her tightly. “Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late chapter, a lot has been going on. I really hope you guys like it!


	7. Presents and Surprises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara gets to enjoy her earth birthday and gets some tear jerking presents. Lena also get a huge surprise as well.

Kara laughed at something Winn said and turned when she heard the shutter of a camera. James waved and winked at her. “I’ll send them all to you.” He promised and continued to look around the flat filled with their family. Kara looked around and her smiled slowly diminished, finally settling and realizing Alex wasn’t with her. Of course, she knew Alex wouldn’t be there, but it still stung. Alex never missed an earth birthday. She was the one that came up with the idea, just to cheer Kara up. She took a deep breath, held it in, tears gathering in her eyes, before arms gently wrapped around her middle from behind.

Lena leaned her head against Kara’s shoulder, her arms tightening and her thumbs making soft, soothing circles. Kara let out her breath, leaning back into Lena. “She would be so proud of you, Kara.”

A single tear dropped down her cheek, her head nodding gently. “I know. I just miss her; with everything I do or see. Hell, every breath.” She let Lena lead her back to the couch, pulling her into the smaller woman’s lap. Kara gave a small smile, leaning her blonde curls on her shoulder. “But I wouldn’t be here or having this party without you.” She admitted, gently kissing her cheek. Lena swallowed thickly, tightening her arms, wishing she could just never let the girl go. “I would do anything for you, Kara.” Lena loved her so much, she wanted to say it, wanted to announce it to everyone here. Announce it to the whole city! But, Lena respected Kara’s wishes. She would wait for her, forever if she had to. The angel in her arms was all she ever wanted, was all she ever would want. The knock at the door made them both look up to see J’onn opening the door to Sam and Ruby.

Kara was next to the girls in a flash, both gasping as they blinked. “Sam! Ruby! You came. You didn’t have to.” Sam smiled, opening her arms to hug her almost sister, when Ruby beat her to it. “I’m sorry I was so rude earlier. I miss you so much.” Startled, it took Kara a couple seconds to wrap her own arms around the thirteen-year-old. Sam hugged both of them when she saw the tears rolling down her cheeks. The three didn’t even notice James taking pictures of them, they were so wrapped up in emotion and each other. Lena smiled, walking up to James and patting his arm in thanks. She was so glad that Kara had her loved ones surrounding her.

“You guys came just in time for cake.” Lena said, her fingers lightly tracing Kara’s back. “Cake!” Kara and Ruby shouted, running to the island where the giant cake was placed with candles covering it.

The rest of the night went without a hitch. Kara got gifts from everyone; A decked out camera from James and Winn, Winn promising to explain the extra features he added later. She got a framed photo of her, Sam, Ruby, and Alex. She remembered that day, they had gone to the fair downtown. They all sported face paints, Kara and Alex holding gifts they had one, and totally did not cheat for. Kara was laughing at something Alex had said, who was wearing her signature smirk, that special light in her eyes. They were happy.

“I got a copy and blew it up, Ruby made the frame.” Sam said, also looking at the picture, her eyes glassy from unshed tears. Kara pulled both girls to her, nearly crushing them. “Thank you so much. I love it.”

Sam smiled, pulling away. “Happy birthday, Kara. Even though Alex isn’t physically here, she’s watching over us and is happy. Even though she’s not here, Ruby and I will be here for you. Always.” Ruby nodded into Kara’s shoulder; the blonde’s shirt wet.

“Okay, now that we’re all crying. Time for Mine, J’onn’s and M’gann’s present. We all went on it together.” Lena said, grabbing a giant box and pushing it to her.

Kara smiled and whipped her tears away before shredding the box open. Confused, she pulled out a big bag of dog food? A ton of chew toys, food and water dishes with the supergirl crest on them. She pulled out a tiny red collar and looked at the three of them…well, J’onn and M’gann. Where did Lena go? They seriously didn’t… J’onn smiled at her before Lena entered the living room, kneeling before Kara, a tiny bundle in her hands.

Her eyes huge, blue nearly blinding, Lena nodded for Kara to pull the blanket back. Kara gave a high-pitched gasp, her entire being locked on to the fat, little bulldog in Lena’s arms. The little thing was all white with a couple brown patches on their face. Kara reached for him, but Lena stopped her. “Open the box at her feet.” Kara didn’t even realize there was a box, a black velvet box.

Kara raised an eyebrow, looking at Lena. “Is this one of those things where you propose to me with a puppy? Because… Lena, I love you- “Lena chuckled but shook her head, “Just open the box, Kara.” Swallowing she nodded, gently grabbing the box, not wanting to disturb her. HER! She opened, hearing the shutter of James’ camera that had probably been going off this whole time. Slowly, she opened it to immediately tear up when she saw what was inside. It was a black dog tag shaped like her Supergirl crest; the name Alex written in the center of it. She licked her dry lips, looking up at Lena.

“Do you like it?” Lena asked, hesitantly, people now just silent and shifting awkwardly. “Her name is Alex?” “I can change it if you want. I would just have to-

“She was suddenly cut off by lips slamming down on hers. The kiss was sudden, and sweet, hard in excitement. It completely took Lena by surprise, her body still, arms clutching the puppy. She had fantasized about this moment and she never knew it would happen like this.

Kara pulled away; her cheeks probably as red as Lena’s. “I love it. I love her. Thank you.” She looked to J’onn and M’gann, “Thank you.”

They nodded, smiles on their faces. Lena reached out, letting Kara take the now awake puppy, with the most curious chocolate eyes. Kara took her, gently cradling her in her arms, rocking her gently like a baby. “Hello Alex, I love you so much.” She said and she yawned, letting out a little yelp. Kara smiled, more tears in her eyes.

“This is the best earth birthday ever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, It's been so long, but it's FINALLY here. I hope you like it.   
> I will do my best to update sooner. I love this story and the characters mean so much to me. I hope you love it as much as I do. or at least a fraction.


	8. Puppies and I love you's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara bonds with her new present and she heals. Lena and Kara FINALLY move forward in their relationship.

Kara sat on the couch, her legs crossed with puppy Alex in her lap, chewing on her fingers. The rest of the party was pretty much over, everyone gone, except Lena, Sam, and Ruby. Lena and Sam were talking while Ruby was taking pictures of her and the puppy on her new phone. Kara was rubbing the puppy’s fat belly while Ruby got closer to take another picture.  
“You know, I have missed you and I appreciate that you came.” She said softly, looking up at Ruby as she stood, looking at her phone.   
Ruby looked at Kara and smiled, moving to sit by her on the couch. “Kara, I love you and I miss you. I was mad at you for abandoning us, but mom and I had after you left. You were in pain and people do things they don’t mean when they are in pain.” She said with a shrug, a small smile on her lips.  
JThe blonde sniffled and pulled the teen in for a hug. “Ruby I should have never abandoned you. Alex is probably rolling in her grave over my behavior.” She kissed the top of her head, puppy Alex, rolling to lick Ruby. “I vow to never leave you again.” She said, her voice steady, that sunny smile gracing her lips.   
Lena and Sam stood, walking over to them. “Rubes, we should probably head out. I have work in the morning. Kara, it was so good seeing you. We’ll have to have lunch or something.” Kara’s stomach grumbled at the mention of lunch but nodded and helped walk them to the door.   
After hugs and goodbyes, Kara turned Lena, puppy Alex falling asleep in her arms. “Are you going to carry her everywhere?”  
Kara looked down at the sleeping white puppy and smiled, “Never setting her down.”   
Lena chuckled, turning away and heading to the table. Everyone had helped clean away the food and put leftovers away. The only thing out was the cake. Kara watched her cut another piece and set it at the table.   
Her stomach loudly grumbling again, Kara set at the table, moving Alex into a more comfortable spot. She grinned at Lena before shoving her face with cake. Honestly, Kara couldn’t thank Lena enough. She made her happy. She made her see the sunshine again. She pulled her out of despair and woke up, made her… love. Setting her fork down, She walked to the couch and gently laid Alex down, the puppy barely stirred.   
“Kara, you didn’t finish you’re cake.” It was only huge emergencies that made her leave cake behind.   
Kara gently cupped her cheeks and looked into her surprised eyes, a forest lit by the morning sun. “I love you, Lena. Thank you for everything.” Lena looked joked and giddy at the same time, Kara wanted to laugh. But she wanted something more. “Can I kiss you?”   
Swallowing hard, Lena nodded without a second guess. Moving that last couple of inches, Kara pressed her lips to Lena’s soft ones. She felt sparks move through her lips to the rest of her body and dove deeper. Her tongue came out and gently moved over her bottom lip. Lena gasped, her hands roughly gripping at the hero’s shoulders. Kara dove in like it was a hot summer day and she finally found a lake. Lena tasted so good. Like… like… home. She tasted like coming home after a long, hard day. It was such a relief to finally kiss her, taste her, for real this time.   
When she started struggling for air, Lena pushed back, breathing hard and a grin plastered on her face. “Wow,” she breathed out.   
Kara giggled, her face washing in red. “Thank you.” She said and then blushed harder, “I mean, you’re welcome.”  
“I love you, too.” Lena said, laughing slightly.   
They starred at each other for a few moments, trying to catch their breath. Kara wondered if She could do this. She just told her this morning she needed time. Did she? She wanted to make sure that she wasn’t using Lena as a crutch for her feelings. To help her survive the day. Was she? Would she? She wouldn’t mean to if she did, but would be heart broken. She wanted, almost needed to be with Lena. Had wanted to be more than friends with her after the first month of meeting.   
“Kara?” Lena spoke softly, her voice breaking.   
“I want to be with you. I know I said no this morning, but I want this. You.” Kara breathlessly said, pupils wide, cheeks rosy.   
Lena blinked taking a step back and biting her lip. Now it was her turn to think. Could she be with Kara, while she was still healing? She almost snorted. Did plants need sun? The answer was yes. She smiled brightly, cupping Kara’s cheeks as she looked like she was about to break.   
“I want to be with you, too, Kara.” Lena whispered, taking her hand. “Let’s go to bed.” She said leading her to the bedroom.  
“Wait! Puppy Alex!” She called out, startling the puppy awake. Kara picked her up, snuggling her to her chest. The puppy licked her chin as she walked back to Lena. “Okay. Bed now.” She said with a smile.  
This is the happiest she had been in a long time. This was going to be good. Thing were getting better and it was thanks to Lena. If it wasn’t for this goddess, than Kara surely would not be here today. In pajamas and laying in Kara’s bed together, Alex snuggled between them, the quickly fell asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a long time since I've updated and I'm sorry. I've been super busy and dealing with financial stuff and work. But here is a new chapter! I hope you like it and leave kuddos and comments. I live for your guys comments.


	9. You're My Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena and Kara have morning cuddles.

When Kara woke that morning, this time it was with a smile on her face. It was the first time in a long time, she didn’t have nightmares the previous night, she didn’t wake with her heart and head pounding. Not a cloud of darkness around her this morning. She was all sunshine. Especially when she fully woke and felt a warm body surrounding hers.   
Lena.   
Her dark hair was sprawled over her shoulder, her head on her chest, her limps wrapped tightly around her. Her shirt she had slept in rode up her torso and Kara could see creamy flesh exposed. So much to roam her eyes over. For her gaze to eat up. She wanted to touch it, her fingers itched to touch her skin.   
The sun peaked through her shades and she smiled, reveling in the sun powering her up. For once, she didn’t mind it touching her skin and wake her up, feeling her power beneath her skin. It was okay she was feeling it and not Alex.   
Lena had pulled her from her own darkness.  
She was the light that woke her up and made her see the shiny future she had waiting for her. Even if it wasn’t with Alex. Lena would never replace her sister, could never be a substitute. She was her own light. She had crawled inside her heart and made a home for herself there.   
“I can feel you thinking. Are you okay?” Lena whispered softly enough, only Kara could hear.   
A smile spread so far across Kara’s face, she couldn’t answer. Lena lifted her head to look down at the blonde, her head cocked to the side, eyes narrowed in worry. Kara’s eyes lifted in worry and shook her head. “No. No. I’m fine. I’m just... I’m actually happy, Lena.” Kara whispered, her hand lifting and caressing her cheek.   
“We didn’t do anything last night. We… just slept and it was great. I love you Lena and I have never felt better.” Kara spoke, sitting up and pulling the Raven-haired woman with her.   
“Lena, I have been wanting to be with you the moment I met you, and then Alex… Alex died. I was in a dark place. I didn’t even realize I was there, but you, Lena. You helped me come back to the light. You, Lena Luthor, are my light.”  
Lena didn’t even know what to say, there were tears rolling down her cheeks and her throat was closing with emotions. She felt so much love and affection, she didn’t know what to say. So, she acted. Leaning forward, Lena grabbed Kara’s cheeks, rubbing her thumbs over her cheek bones and kissed her. It started out as a soft kiss but quickly evolved into something more. She poured all of her love into the kiss, trying to let Kara know how much she cared for her.   
Kara wrapped her arms around the raven haired woman and sucked on her tongue, her fingers running up and down bare skin. Ah, she felt so soft, so fragile, but strong. There was fire underneath her skin. Roa, Kara loved her.   
When they pulled away, starring into each others eyes, Kara giggled and laid back down, looking out the window. “I can’t believe this is happening.” She whispered, not wanting to break the delicate moment.   
“Believe it, Supergirl.” Lena said, laying back down, her fingers tracing over Kara’s stomach, under her shirt.   
For the rest of they morning they laid there, content. Basking in their new relationship and new found happiness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter. Sorry its so short, but I have more ideas coming. Hope you like tye mini chapter.
> 
> Also, just watched the firat episode of season 5!!! I cried.

**Author's Note:**

> I've been sad here and there and am a huge slut for sads. I watched the recent episode of Supergirl and had a small idea. I might hate myself. I cried the whole time writing this. I have no regrets. I might make this into a multiple chapter thing. We'll see.


End file.
